I am not a housewife.

Let’s get this out there as quickly as possible. (Hi mom, hope you’re not too shocked by this stunning revelation.)

I don’t dust the shelves. I only clean the floor when it’s absolutely necessary (a good indicator is when the cat starts sticking to the floorboards). Recently I cleaned the windows for the first time since moving into this flat. I never iron my clothes, except in emergencies, and I only wash when the laundry-mountain threatens to spawn an avalanche. In short: I am not a housewife.

But I do quite like to cook. I love new recipes and I love modifying stuff that I find in cookbooks. After all there is no such thing as too much thyme. Having a husband who likes to eat helps too.  I do not like cleaning up the kitchen, favouring more of a Jackson Pollock approach to cooking. As a result of which, same-said room often looks like a post-nuclear farmer’s market once I’m done with it. The husband helps there, too.

I’m just saying this to avoid confusion. How do I make a perfect Wiener Schnitzel? Good question to ask me, even though the name does sound lewd in English. How do I get dirt stains out of a white blouse? Very bad question, although you are welcome to let me know, I’ve been trying to do so for quite some time.

Anyway. That having been said I now proudly present you with

The ultimate Bacon Muffin Recipe

developed, bake-tested and refined by Verena Kyratzes

(who does not actually think that she is the first person on this planet to have come up with the idea).

Shopping list (makes 12 muffins):

250 g all-purpose flour
150 g butter or margarine
200 g crème fraiche or smetana (which I am beginning to suspect to be rare outside of Germany)
125 g lean bacon, finely diced
15 – 20 green olives, pitted + 12 olives to garnish
2 eggs, medium
1 – 1.5 tsp baking powder
1 tbsp dried rosemary
1 tsp salt
12 strips of bacon

Preheat the oven to 160° C. You may butter the muffin-tray, but I would not bother, since these muffins come with their own lubrication by nature. Place the strips of bacon in the muffin moulds. One strip per mould. I usually begin by placing the thin end of the strip on the bottom and then spiralling up to line the rim. It may take some practice.

Chop the olives into thin rings.

Melt the butter or margarine and set aside to cool a little. Mix the flour, baking powder, salt and rosemary in a large mixing bowl. Be careful with the baking powder since in these muffins that thing with the squeaky teeth happens very quickly. You know what I mean…

Add the crème fraiche and eggs to the cooled butter and mix well. Then add the mixture to the flour. Mix for about sixty seconds with a hand mixer on the highest setting. Add the bacon cubes and olives and carefully stir them into the dough.

Now for the messy part. Very, very carefully put one or two heaped tbsp of dough mixture into the bacon-lined moulds. Be careful not to make the bacon fold in on itself, if necessary pull it back into its original position with your fingers. Put one intact olive on top of the dough, pressing it in slightly.

Put in the pre-heated oven and bake for 20-25 minutes.

Enjoy.